After years of dreaming..
and months of planning..
Today has finally came.
I am here, at the airport lounge, watching the Laker game like nothing about my life is about to change..
I have spent the past couple days crying, trying to slowly begin separating myself from the people I love, and to mentally prepare myself to start over with all new relationships in this new foreign country. I Slept the majority of the day yesterday, depressed, and unwilling to accept all the goodbyes I was forced to participate in from my going away gathering the day before. Telling 50 people who I care about dearly goodbye all at 50 different times feels like the slowest stab in the chest with a dagger. Who ever told me that saying goodbye would be quick and painless like ripping of a band-aid was a big fat liar. Come to think of it, I think that person was me.
The entire month has been filled of goodbyes from friends from all aspects of my life. From friendships I have had for 25 years, to newer friendships that formed almost instantaneously after only a few minutes, to guys who have stolen and broken my heart, and to my family members that can never be replaced.
Is there a “good” way to say goodbye? No. I hate goodbyes and they hate me.
I have noticed a few different techniques or one could say defense mechanisms that help this process not be so shitty for me. Now, it is has been VERY shitty lol, dont get this twisted. But a few things have made..I think..this process easier to cope with.
* STAY AROUND PEOPLE
The only thing I noticed that has helped me not completely loose it, is to stay around people. I was lucky that many of my friends stayed the night after my party, and I was able to continue spending time with them until the following afternoon. This is my trick: Keep in public and around company and its easier to hold it together. Not only are they a distraction to the reality of leaving the country, but I also do not like to cry in front of people. It can be quite the freak show with me. So I knew the more time I was with others the greater my chances were of being okay.
*REMINDERS OF STAYING IN TOUCH
Thank you baby Jesus for the Apps such as Skype, FaceTime, and Whatsapp. The more I remember to tell myself how EASY it will be to stay in touch with everyone, the better I start feeling. Even though I know when I say “we will skype everyday” is a lie for the most part, it still helps me feel a bit warmer inside.
*NOT LISTENING TO SAD SONGS!
I am a sensitive person, crying is as easy as breathing for me. I do it often and I do it well 🙂 I do it enough to know that I HATE TO CRY so I make sure not to do anything that will induce any excess emotions than I do not need.
No sad movies, no sad songs = no extra crying!!!
*NOTHING IS PERMANENT
As much as I want nothing more than to live in Australia, and make a wonderful successful life for myself in all personal, love and career aspects, I might not like it. I might hate Australia. I might be over it all at any given time, and say PEACE! because..
Reminding myself these goodbyes are temporarily, and if I don’t move back and I will definitely still visit. Reminding myself there is no absolute does wonders.
“Why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn’t work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. “
I need more hellos.
~Charles M. Schulz
No more Goodbyes at this point, just give me more hellos. See you tomorrow Australia! Its finally time for Hot Mess to go to OZ….
and this just might be my sweetest hello
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